Me, Expressing

First things first, this is not a hate letter. I have nothing against anyone. This is me expressing myself. This is me, all out.

For everyone who threw the same question over and over "Did you make it?", here is my answer: No. I did not make it through. I did not make it because of some circumstances that I could have twisted for my favor if only I knew the conditions earlier, but I didn't. For the past months that I've been answering this common query, it was not hard for me to wear a smile for I truly accepted my fate and it was all alright for me. It was just recently that things started to set in and made me realize that I could not anymore hide my own personal disappointment. Disappointment not because I did not make it, disappointment because all I ever wanted was to offer and present that achievement to my parents and to my loved-ones. What do I have to offer now?

But on the brighter side, this incident opened the eyes of those who were needed to be opened. This gave an opportunity to find weaknesses on system for it not to happen again. This gives the succeeding batches ample time to make sure that they are on the right track and no obstacle would halt them from achieving their dreams, their goals, and their aspirations. This incident serves as a lesson for everyone to do their jobs responsibly, but seriously, why does it have to be me? Why does it have to be in my time? I know there are reasons that are beyond man's ability to explain and I am looking forward to unlock the reason, in time.

This is not published because I still want to plea my case. This is published because I couldn't help but feel that I have disappointed most people. I have this feeling that most expect me to make it (I know because they are vocal about this) but in the end, they just get dismayed. They may not be vocal about their feelings of disappointment, but I can see, I can sense. So to you guys, my heartfelt apologies for not meeting your expectations.

But of all people, I am most thankful that I felt no disappointments from my parents. They made me feel everything's cool. They reassured me that no matter what happens, they still believe I have made their dreams for me a reality.

Now that I have released my emotions, I am now free from any apprehensions, free from any disappointments, free from guilt of not having met expectations. Now I am able to accept my fate wholly and without hesitations. Now I am all set for tomorrow's activity and for the graduation day.

This is my letter and this made me feel a whole lot better. =)

975 PESOS

Nine Hundred and Seventy Five. What would you get from 975 pesos? 19 Magnums, 3 Zipline rides, 8 Hunger Games movie tickets. That's a whole lot of fun, right? But wait, I am thinking of something, how about a "Retreat?"

A retreat became a compulsory activity in school which usually exists in the later part of a graduating student's life. By compulsory, it means you have no excuse and you have to experience retreat. You can't retreat in a retreat (if you know what I mean). If you'd ask me how did I find the retreat, I'd start responding with this:

I am one of those who came and showed up because I paid 975 pesos. I am pessimistic about the so-called activity. I hate retreats. All I could think about is there would be crying and stuffs alike. I hate it. Before the retreat was finalized, I am one of those who wished and prayed that there would be a sudden turn of events that would cause the retreat to be impossible. But I failed. And so, the date is set on a Thursday morning. Again, I have to come and show up because if I don't, I still have to pay the same amount, and that would be impractical.

Thursday morning was the day that I wished I could skip but I can't. We would be on a long and quite tiring journey. Along the way, I am still thinking of how I could get the retreat to be postponed (the evil in me =D). And again, nothing happened, plus we are already in our expected destination. But wait, bwahahaha, it turned out that we were at the wrong place. (And I am already thinking that finally, we're going home!) Or not. Hmp. We continued our journey, turned here, road up, road down, turn right, turn left, and boom, we finally arrived. (The place was splendid I should say.)

After the snacks and room assignments, it was time to begin the activity itself. As expected, there were a lot of prayers yet there were also activities which I found to be fun though I still want the retreat to end sooner. The night came and its time to sleep. Sleeping means when you wake up, its time. Time to pack things and go home. Yes, it is only a one night retreat, unusual huh? But its on my side of the table. =).

Morning's activity started with a devotion, an emotional devotion for some, an ordinary devotion for me. But I was excited for the next event, "The Amazing Race." Now that's my kind of thing. But it was not the thing I expected, there was no running, no race. We just stood on one station, finishing tasks (bible tasks), and that's it. But what I didn't realize is that I sang with my team a religious song. Was that me? =).

I find myself enjoying the retreat already, part of me I guess. I found my self active in the activities,   defending my team, cheering, winning, and socializing with others. And I had fun, real fun.

But it was time to go. But before leaving the place, we still have lunch. The retreat master called it "Agape Meal." I know what Agape is, Love. But I couldn't figure out what Agape Meal is. We were advised to get our meal and place it on our table and wait for further instructions. Then, we were instructed to give our meal to the person whom we would like to share our love and whom we'd like to reconcile with. At first, we were thinking of giving it to our group of friends so we don't have to exchange meals with the persons we've hated and the persons we've hurt. But something just touched us, we started roaming and looking for that one person we've hated. And suddenly, hugs between people who had misunderstandings for quite a long time were there. One said sorry, one accepted, tears fell, but at the end of the day, they had patched things up. The group became one again.

I was fulfilled and satisfied with the outcome, really. I guess why I was really looking forward to end the retreat sooner than it should be is because something real good would happen every time the retreat ends: reconciliation, forgiveness, love, acceptance, and union.

Now, was 975 pesos worth it? You answer. =D.

Police Assistance Centers: Policemen Not Included

Days after the incidences of suicides and killings at malls in Luzon, the Police Regional Office 12 directed by Chief Supt. Benjardi Mantele had devised and established police assistance centers within shopping malls and department stores. This action aims to deter and prevent the occurrence of crimes and suicides within the mall's area. But what the police failed to disclose to the public is that policemen do not come along with these police assistance centers. (In "toy" terms, Batteries not included. Each part sold separately.)

I admit, the moment these centers were established, I have seen men in uniform doing their respective tasks and responsibilities. But, these only lasted for a week or so and then they went missing. Is this just another flash in the pan?

This isn't new to all. Plans and projects are only good for a short span of time and poof! (It became koko crunch!) I don't know why people still couldn't realize the importance of prevention. We know for a fact that these police assistance centers were brought up mainly because of crimes and accidents in malls are gravely increasing. Seriously, must we wait that these unfortunate events happen before we act?

Situations involving late and somehow useless actions are always there. Just like the existence of many checkpoints in national highways a day after bombs explode. If you're a type of person who does not care at all with news and current affairs, you'd easily know if another town or place has been bombed. How? In every block possible, there are checkpoints. Military and police personnel man the streets, inspecting every vehicle that pass, every cargo inside, every person inside, and assessing the possibility of an attack. So impressive but these are all part of their undoing. They are doing their best to cover up for their own asses, to cover up for their failure to provide safety, to cover up for their failure to adhere to there motto: "To Serve and Protect." And again, how long do these cover ups last? I'll give it 3 to 5 days and they'd become koko crunch too but I'm sure they'd pop out like mushrooms again after another bomb.

When you enter an establishment, have you noticed how the guards check and inspect you? Just a slight tap and touch at your hips, and then they conclude you are not a threat to others. How impressive is that? They even have built in metal detectors in their hands. You reach for your bag to unzip and open it but they just grasp your bag, lift it a few inches, then you are good to go. But when armed and unarmed persons made a scene inside, the guards suddenly lose their psychic and metal detecting ability. Vigorous inspection will be done, from your legs, to your hat. Again, I'll give it a few days before their psychic abilities come out again in the open.

Going back to the police assistance centers, Mantele said that these may provide immediate assistance to security-related needs. These centers are supposed to be manned by two to four uniformed policemen. Now, look closely at the pictures. Is it just me or you couldn't see a single man posting? How would it be immediate if no one's running the center? Seems to me that if you need assistance, go to the assistance centers, and dial the number posted (if it would be answered, then you wait.)

It's a fact that they have shortcomings but so do us. Remember the times that you murmured because it takes too long before you could pass a checkpoint because of a strict inspection? How about the time that you scolded a security guard because he thoroughly inspects your things and you? Add the time when you thought that these preventive measures so to speak added an extra burden to you?

In order for these measures to be most effective, people must also embrace these measures. One of the reasons why they don't last that long or they don't last at all is that we people wanted it not to last due to those mentioned above. Why don't we just make these measures part of our routine and I tell you, after some time, you'd unconsciously learn to live life with these preventive activities and you'll never again have to consider them as burdens.

What I am trying to point out with this is simple. When are we going to learn? When all else fails? THINK!

(I am hoping to post new pictures soon, with the policemen in it. When would that be? Interesting.)